DELILAH.......

                                                              

Superman’s weakness was kryptonite. Grapes were mine! I wasn’t supposed to touch those luscious beauties with a barge pole.

Which is why I am surprised with myself as I jauntily stride towards the valley of Sorek (grapes) in deep Philistine territory where some wine celebration thing was going on. One, the Philistines were mortal enemies, two, if it smacks or looks like wine, I should be headed in the opposite direction. But I have always been a risk taker and a bit blasé about my divine destiny. If not, I should have remembered that being around vineyards do not usually portend good will for me. The last time I was near one in Timnath, a lion attacked me though I quickly made short work of it.

Deep within, my main reason was to see if I could catch an eyeful of Philistine wenches. Grapes and non kosher food were "no nos” for me but my real weakness was these uncircumcised chics. For uncircumcised women, I found them quite kosher dishes. Now they were my real achilles heel. Some guy later went on to write that I was a He-man with  a she weakness. Superman runs away from kryptonite but for some reason, I always run towards mine.. Pop and mom and all the high priests have perpetually warned that covenanted folks should never have anything to do with the uncircumcised. Light never fellowships with darkness, they continually admonish but my sun still burns bright. My name actually means sun. it seems with my super powers come super deafness and super pride.

I hated everything Philistine aside from their ladies! I should have, but somehow I had never given much thought to why I am usually attracted to the enemy, enticed to what might be the death of me. Even with my prowess for riddles, this is one I haven’t been able to crack. If I am to ever hazard a guess, I would say its because Jewish girls are too tame for me. They are like lambs compared to the wolverine  nature of their counterparts.  Somehow Hebrew babes don’t make my blood boil to steaming point. Over the years I have been playing with fire in my bosom but the thrill makes all the danger worthwhile. My trysts with these ladies of Gath and Ashkelon usually gets me into trouble but always presents me with the opportunity to whip the behind of these oppressors of Israel with relish. I do it with my eyes closed. A few days back while exploring the treasures of a harlot at Gaza, my enemies got wind of it and laid a seige on me but I managed to escape at midnight. Something must be wrong with me, because here I am again.

As I got into the maelstrom of the party, my nerves were set on edge, I hate their music! But something  happened that caused the whole direction of my life to shift. I saw her dancing and her name was the best thing to ever hit my ossicles! It causes a lilt on the tongue, leaves a taste on it akin to the most delicious palm date.

She was a red head, with red lips and a red short dress skimpy enough to save my imagination a lot of stress. She seemed to have been conceived and incubated in wine with a complexion that was like cream goat cheese’s. The gap between her pearly whites hinted of a paradise where pomegranates fluorished uninhibited, if I can’t have grape wine, I sure can do pomegranates (hehehe, I chuckled to myself). I envisioned myself drinking mead that was sweeter than wine from the goblet of those lips. Waist beads accentuated her hip and silver bracelets her ankles (my best locations for jewellry), lovely trinkets that deflected the arrows of sunshine right into my heart.  The tatoo on her neck spoke of ancient arcane secrets that I quickly unravelled through my smoky intense gaze. She looked at me and smiled; ours was instant chemistry. Her oxygen with my hydrogen would form water sweeter than the one I drank at En-hakkore. As she gyrated and swivelled, jiggled and bounced, my mind splintered like a mirror into a million shards, each sliver a reflection of a thousand torturing images. She was a sea of magnetic mesmerization, and having discarded the life jacket of my morals, I hopelessly and pleasurably drowned. My heartbeat roared more than the lion I spoke about earlier and I could visualize all the honey I was going to get out of this one (I promptly forgot that the honey I got from the dead lion was not legitimate since being a Nazirite forbade touching dead things). I fell in love. Since I was Samson, she could not resist my advance and became wholly mine. The valley of Sorek became a place of intoxicating pleasures.

Our relationship was a rollercoaster ride in a the eye of a hurricane  from the word go! Boy! She could nag! But the heavenly pleasures she offered where worth it!  What is it with her and the source of my strength? No maiden had ever asked me that before? But I had also never loved another like her before and would never want to lose her. She harrased me like angry wasps until I started teasing her thinking she would get fed up with time but to my amazement, she had the tenacity of a mule and ran me ragged until I could not bear the nagging anymore. I progressively went from ridiculous stuff until I got to her messing with my hair, then I finally bared my heart to her. That is how we strong men lose it, gradually monkeying around with our fate until the truth dawns that we have been had! I figured it would make no difference since she truly loves me.

Wily vixen Delilah was, she knew touch was my love language and made me lie on her laps. Massaging and touching, kissing and petting until I went into a heavy sleep like I was drugged (she was a drug). I woke up to see my locks gone and the Spirit departed. I was reduced to putty, a normal man as bald as an egg. I was on my powerless own!

I got to know she had been paid by my foes to ferret out my secret. My tormentors gouged out my eyes, put me in brass fetters and  made me grind their grain all day. When you stupidly fall off the path of destiny, you lose your vision and your life goes from the sublime to the menial. From the heights of the supernatural and extra-ordinary you plummet to the low of the ordinary and natural. I, Samson, the sun of Israel  reduced to a blind bat grinding grainy meals. From a life of exhilarating freedom, I found myself in a prison of limitations! I remembered the past, when with the jawbone of an ass, I leveled a thousand Philistine elite soldiers. But that was the past. Regret flooded my soul like faecal water in a blocked cesspit! The maggots of ignominy festered in my soul!

My hair started to grow again. Mercy never lets go! Brother, if you lost hair, do not lose hope for it will grow again. The One I was covenanted to is merciful, gracious and loving. Hope burst upon my face like a ray of sunlight kissing a sunflower seed after a long winter, it filled my core like a dead root coming alive at the scent of water. Nothing rocks like redemption!

During the festivities to worship their god, I was called upon to clown for them. I told the kid who led me to support me between the pillars holding up their temple. Philistines are dumb, who hinges the whole support of such a massive edifice on two moveable pillars! Guys, the pillars of your life will determine the strength of your destinies! Most people like the Philistines don’t give much thought to the flimsy pillars they hinge their lives, career, marriages, finances, health, etc, on. It makes sense to have only One pivotal pillar, a Chief Cornerstone. I reconnected to my Source and asked Him to move through me one more time and to allow me die with my enemies. A LIFE WITHOUT VISION IS NOT WORTH LIVING! I would rather die!

I brought the whole house down! Sod their Dagon! I was buried under a tomb of stones and as my lastbreath was snuffed out, a lone tear ran down my eye. My reign as a leader in Israel lasted for only twenty years. My sun has set faster than it was supposed to…. Delilah, I thought, if not for Delilah….

A PRUDENT MAN SEES TROUBLE COMING AND HIDES HIMSELF………………………….

THE TRAGEDY OF ALUU

                                         

 

The speed at which news flares up and gets buried here is incredible! A few weeks ago, the whole country was agog with the news of the young men that were burnt at Aluu and as usual the boiling cauldron of outrage has simmered down to a cold pot locked up in the cupboard of our memory.

Truth is, we usually spend too many hours aggressively attacking the leaves of a situation instead of uprooting its origins. Everyone has called for the heads of the people of Aluu but is that the solution to the whole issue. If it is actually true that they had been harassed for a while by thieves while the police did nothing to alleviate the issue, would one really blame them for taking the law into their hands? Believe me if you have ever lost a loved one to armed robbers, I am sure that you would not give any quarter to any that crosses your path except you are full of divine love. As much as I don’t condone what the people of Aluu did, would you blame them or a system that failed to keep them safe? One thing I can say about the whole incident is that it confronted us with the ugliness of an age long barbarity.

Nigeria does not value human lives, blood is spilled in this nation on a regular basis and we are beginning to live with its consequences. We place more value in things than people. It shows in the kind of public vehicles used to transport our citizens, the horrendous state of public schools, the dilapidation of our teaching hospitals, the murderous traps in the form of roads, fake drugs, adulterated fuel and so on. The lack of appreciation of human lives explains why a Nigerian business owner would take money from the coffers of his company to travel for summer with his girlfriend while he hasn’t paid his staff for over four months. A member of his staff would then go ahead to lose a baby because she did not have enough money for antimalarials and give “agbo” (concoction made from herbal leaves) leading to the demise of the child. More examples like this abound. I sincerely believe that all that flood of blood is beginning to cry out.

As far back as I can remember Nigeria has been plagued by bad leadership but there are some things that happen in this country these days that we used to think only happened in places as distant as Mars and not to us. Unfortunately some of those things seem to have become a national staple. For example, bombings, air crashes, floods, terrorism, name it!

Somehow it is not a surprise that these things are harassing Nigeria like killer bees. Innocent lives are wasted in this nation every day. Ritual killings, police brutality, lack of drugs, political assassinations, bad roads, poor aviation monitoring and more contribute to this while our leaders don’t give a damn. It has become a normal part of our green, white, green landscape to see the unceremonious extirpation of the living on every front. And I believe it is beginning to haunt us now and even the so called, high and mighty are not exempt. Floods and the kinds of disasters that have infected the vital organs of this nation do not differentiate between classes.

As a nation, it is time for us to stop in our tracks and make a change. A total turnaround of our values and systems is essential to our survival. Today is the acceptable time, tomorrow would make it too late for some people! For us to progress from here to a much better kingdom, we need transformation! We need to reassess our ideals, principles, morals, ethics, etc. WE MUST REPENT!!!! This is passion that must consume us all!

 

…if my people, who are called by name, will humble themselves and pray and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and heal their land!

 

 

LG, IS LIFE REALLY GOOD WITH YOU???

                                                             

                                     

I do not need anyone to tell me that life is good, like I didn’t know that. Even in a world that is as tumultuous as a choppy windswept sea, I obviously know that truth. Everyday in the midst of the madness of the world, life is like a picturesque slideshow of good things that make one burst out in rippling smiles of contentment and gratitude.  A baby gurgling happily while nestling its head on a shoulder, walking into the embrace of a chilled air-conditioned atmosphere after getting punch-drunk by the sun at its pugilistic best, feeling the wind kiss away sweat while riding on an “okada” in the afternoon breeze after a hot meal of “amala, gbegiri ati ewedu” topped with fresh “eja kika”, downing a cool glass of Chivita’s exotic orange juice, seeing Jeff Hardy perfectly execute the “whisper in the wind”, watching Lionel Messi score against Real Madrid, reading a great book on a cool evening entombed by the walls of silence, watching a great movie while everyone has gone to bed, getting home to meet my boy shouting “my guy” as he runs into my arms, finding peace in the embrace of my wife , laughing deliriously at a good joke, flipping through the frozen memories of loved ones , watching a beautiful butterfly flutter by, being roused to a beautiful dawn by the choruses of birds, taking a hot shower after a gruelling days work and so on. Life is indeed good and I am eternally grateful to the One who gives us all things to enjoy. He is good and does good!

So, LG, Puhleez, don’t give me that “life is good” hogwash. . LIFE IS GOOD BUT CERTAINLY NOT WITH LG!!! How can you tell me that life is good when we have gone through a hellish existence in the last few weeks because we brought a brand new freezer from you? How can you purport those lines when your outlet in Okota told us that freezer’s doors don’t lock firmly anymore according to the new designs you are rolling out after the freezer had stayed with them for more than a fortnight. How can your smiley keep deceiving the world with its smarmy phony smile that says all is well when the technician from your head office in Burma Road confesses to the fact that the FAULT is a DEFAULT one from your factory? I am surprised that the staff at your head office could glibly lie that you don’t know anything about your outlets, if their statement is true; it even makes your situation more pathetic. LG, I am amazed at your temerity in flooding the world with your logo and slogan when you did not even assist to help us move your defective product from our home to your offices. Which Multinational worth its salt turns its customers into beasts of burden instead of making them kings? What about the hours used for the transportation and making calls. Are we going to be paid back for the time and money spent making calls? It is depressingly sad LG, that you do not have any inkling that time is money. What happened to integrity and honour? Oh, I forgot, it is the Japanese that are specialists on Bushido and Kaizen while you don’t know diddly squat about them. To show how lackadaisical you are, you did not even bother to rectify the problem after we warned your staff of the dangers of messing up in the 21 century with social media and all because I was going to tell the world about how phony your brand is. You must have assumed that I only have a stone but must I remind you that it is stones that bring down giants. You must have felt with the mix of horrendous traffic, PHCN relentless blackouts, horrible roads and the rigours of transporting the freezer from one of your outlet to another, we would not be persistent enough to keep asking you to right your wrong but I have decided to sing like a canary and assume the voice of every Nigerian who at one time or another has being the victim of terrible customer service.

Why do I feel that you would not have carried out your dastardly act with so much impunity if you were in any other part of world? But since the Standard Organization of Nigeria and Consumer Protection Agency are slumbering, you can afford to ship and slip in defective products with aplomb, then dump it into the laps of unsuspecting citizens. I feel you would not have done this in some other countries but you have been corrupted by the Nigerians that own your outlets like the one in Okota, Isolo. I cannot believe you are that impressionable, allowing the bad customer service which is a norm here to infect you. Since you supposed to be a world class brand, I am sure you would not believe you’ve been besieged by “enemies” when things start going south for you due to your poor customer service like my people do (they then proceed on a marathon of meaningless praying and fasting, not knowing that the cankerworm eating the shrub is on the shrub). It just makes sense that when you are more interested in the money of your customers than the value/quality of service you offer, it is only a matter of time before you come tumbling down the hill like Jack and Jill. You will also lose the crown of your marketing advantage in the process.  As much as I am livid with you, let me give you a good advice, run back to your country before the cancer of this place eats you up. Business flourishes when you really love your clients, but here it is done in a loveless and selfish atmosphere and you have already caught the bug.

LG, I hope you will give me a brand new freezer now and compensate me for all the stress, time and money wasted because of your ineptitude. I am amazed that you do not know that when you sow the wind you reap the whirlwind. One last word of admonition, if you say life is good with LG then come through on your promise. Heed these words by a Jew who lived thousands of years ago. He was running His father’s multinational business and told his staff in one of their strategy sessions…….

LET YOUR YEA BE YEA AND YOUR NAY BE NAY……………………………………………

THE SINKING SANDS OF RELIGION

                                                  


Onitsha is one of the major trading cities of Nigeria; I suppose it’s due to its proximity to River Niger. Its continuous bustling activity and frenetic pace would make an ant hill seem like an idyllic resort. It is also a major stop for buses moving from the west to the east. You cannot miss Onitsha with its hawkers and famous “akara” balls. For me it’s usually an indication that I am nearer home, so this makes me look forward to its sights and sounds. The noise, the fresh baked bread pushed into your face, the fruits, “agidi jollof”, the ubiquitous crowded storied buildings, reckless touts make the senses reel.

Aside from passing through, first time I really went to Onitsha was during my youth service year. I served in Kwale and needed to get a good Walkman which made me go spend a weekend with my cousins there in order to get a Sony Walkman. One thing I noticed that Sunday was that the city was filled with worshippers. People were trooping in and out of churches; the streets were lined with folks marching like ants foraging for food after days of non-stop rain. It was an amazing sight but something was not quite right because while I was shopping and all through my time there my heart was in my mouth. The town has a bad reputation from a high incidence of armed robbery attacks and an incredible spate of thievery.

The whole thing got me wondering. How can a place with so many church goers be filled with so much nefarious activities that cause pain and loss of human life. Something was definitely wrong.

Nigeria has more churches than the Niger has water. Our language is peppered with “christainese”, “it is well”, “it is not my portion”, “I reject it”, “back to sender” and so on. But Nigeria is filled with so much evil it is amazing. We are so religious and yet so very far from God.

I HATE RELIGION! Religion is an imposter, a fraudster, a deceiver, makes one feel he is so close to God but creates such an unbelievable great divide between man and God. Religion is selfish, manipulative and destructive. It takes, steals, kills, destroys, from the days of the crusades, through the Spanish inquisition, the selling of pardons till modern day terrorism. God is all Love and is all about life. Anything that is anti-life is anti God! He is so pro-Life!

Religion garbs itself in a sanctimonious cassock and struts around with a pious look but like Karl Max said it is the opium of the people. People steal, go to give tithes in the church and think that absolves them from guilt. We wear all kinds of religious garments and adornments, thinking that is what would bring us closer to God but we are farther from Him than the earth from Pluto.

Generally, Religion is man’s way and mechanics of trying to get to God and is usually motivated by selfishness and greed. Generally I look with suspicion on anything that gives me steps of getting to God or tells me I have to make sure I do not fart or hop on one leg, slap one side of my buttocks three times or wash my posterior with bleach and soda before I can worship. They are usually a lot of hogwash! Our relationship with God is a love relationship! I love my dad and he loves me, so I can walk into his room without thinking twice, without counting steps or whispering some mantra under my breath.  I am free with my Dad! We devise our own methods, concoct some spiritual mumbo, jumbo and go about feeling cool. Even Jesus had to say that it is not all who call me Lord, Lord are mine. He said a lot of them are workers of iniquity!

Any way of life that kills, maims, destroys, and steals is devilish and not Godlike. The way of God is all love and does not cause hurt or pain.

Remember the Good Samaritan, he was supposed to be a heathen who was out of the reach of salvation but when a priest and a Levite turned up their “holy” uppity noses on a man who needed help, the Samaritan lent a hand. That guy was closer to God than anyone would have ever believed.Religion blinds! The Ugandan Warlord, Joseph Kony parading under the cloak of God’s spokesman committed some of the greatest atrocities on earth.

God’s way is not in show, it is in the heart and in character. It is in helping and doing good. It is in serving and positive impact. It is about LOVE!

HE THAT LOVETH NOT KNOWETH NOT GOD FOR GOD IS LOVE!!!