THE AFRICAN MIND PART 2

                            

IS HAM’S CURSE THE INABILITY TO ASK WHY OR HOW?

Amongst a series of sesame street alphabet books I read to my boy, I particularly like the one that deals with the letter W. It’s titled “Bert wonders why”. Every time I traverse the rich landscape of this letter with my son, we both see Bert wondering why a lot of things are the way they are. His head is filled with more question marks than there are on the suit of the Riddler. As time passed on it has slowly dawned on me that the book is a deliberate attempt to spark something in the mind of the young, a conscious effort to fuel the leaping flames of a toddler’s curiosity.


One of the monikers Africa is known by, is the “dark continent” and I believe this comes more from the dark clouds of nescience billowing over the soul of our race than our skin colour.

My pastor said that whatever the African does not understand he puts a label of mysticism on.  After a couple of drowning accidents in riverine areas where there are strong currents, the local dweller would most likely attribute the event to a powerful force in the river and idolize it while a Caucasian who comes along would do some measurements and build a bridge over the river.


The phenomenon of lightening was a bit too much for man to fathom which made us in Nigeria attribute its power to Sango, the god of thunder but stopped at that juncture. Life was peachy so long the god was given his dues. He later became associated with the Nigerian Power Holding company popularly known as Nepa and it is not a surprise that we are still besieged by epileptic power supply in this modern age. Some might argue that the Caucasians also had Thor, who was Sango’s Scandinavian equivalent but they did not stop there. During the 1700s Benjamin Franklin became interested in electricity and spent almost a decade conducting electrical experiments. Ultimately he discovered that lightning is an electric current in nature and also that it is dangerous. The man was inspired to invent the lightening rod which protects people and their property. Now the constancy of their power supply can be likened to that of the seasons.


Edward Jenner in the 18^th century noticed that milk maids did not generally get small pox and started wondering why and how to prevent the dreaded disease. His probing mind uncovered the breakthrough we have in immunology till date. I stand to be corrected but I haven’t yet heard of an African producing any vaccine for any disease even those that are predominant around here. In Africa, small pox was attributed to the wrath of aggrieved gods and the patients were left to die.


This difference in approach to life and its complexities is the bane of the African life. We come short when it comes to analysis and research. We almost have no statistics for any thing in Nigeria. This shows up in our books, movies, politics, education, name it. Without research to add to our creativity, our productions come out as abysmal. Try watching a medical scene on a home video. CAUTION! You might just puke. But when you watch flicks like Gray’s anatomy, House or ER, you almost always think you are seeing real doctors in action. Erich Segal spent four years on his book “Acts of Faith” and it turned out to be a bestseller. He spent that amount of time unraveling all the intricacies connected to the plot. We need to borrow a leaf from his book.


There’s something that prevents Africans from asking why things are the way they are and how to circumvent restrictions. Instead we attribute everything to angels and demons. Our churches also do not help matters sometimes. Medicine men are a dime a dozen, feeding off people's folly like scavengers on carrion. We spend loads of time binding and casting, sacrificing and chanting, bowing and kneeling and never ask why. If anything, the forces that are held in so much awe thrive on the obtuseness of the dark mind like microbes in blood agar.


In Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers, it was noted that the South Korean Airline had a lot of crashes, causing a lot of disquiet in air travelling circles. This necessitated some research and the inference made was that the underlying problem is cultural. This discovery went a long way in ameliorating the challenge but in this environment we might still have been entreating the gods of the atmosphere and binding the Prince in charge of the air. The fact that someone thought of why and how, simplified a prodigious problem.


Amazingly when we travel to more enabling shores, the African mind becomes like a golden eagle that has been freed from a titanium cage and soars to unimaginable heights. This proves that our challenge is cultural. There is something about the black man’s culture that thrives in ignorance. His culture exhibits gravity like pull on his mind. This explains why sometimes a Harvard business school graduate with enough qualifications to make him the beau of Athena would get entrenched in the same rut of nepotism, greed and myopia that an unenlightened compatriot finds himself in when it comes to running a business in this country.


Our society is more interested in the certificates and laurels that come from education (which is why parents will pay for their kids to have exams in special centers where they will have the latitude to cheat, students will pay lecturers in the satellite campuses of our universities to pass without receiving lectures amongst other things) but will despise learning, the light that dispels the darkness of dumbness.


I can almost wager that if it were an African that an apple fell on instead of Sir Isaac Newton, he would have quickly bitten into its luscious succulent skin and thanked the spirits who bestowed such kindness on him or he would have run off in a frightful haste believing that it was the devilry of his household enemies. But it was not so with the great scientist, that common incident sparked off a trail of questions that that led to the taming of gravity.


For any one with insight it is so obvious that the African continent is brimming with potential and great wealth, human and otherwise even much more than our first world contemporaries. The fact that we are still way behind them is strongly attributed to the curse that Noah placed on his son Ham (the African line descends from him) which made him subservient to his brethren but one of the ways to break the shackles of this jinx would be to become regenerated from the inside out. Secondly like the sesame street puppet Bert, WE HAVE TO START WONDERING WHY!!!

                              

LET THERE BE LIGHT! PART 2

The problems that plague Nigeria are more than a swarm of angry bees that sting a bear invading their hive.

In the first part of this article, I mentioned that prior to the formation of the world; God had made energy and light. Based on this sequence, I believe a lot of the ills this nation is experiencing will disappear if our power problem is resolved. Darkness is a favourable medium which makes evil grow like a poisonous mushroom in the dark womb of the rain forest.

Power failure has contributed to numerous bad things happening to Nigerians over the years. Examples are fire outbreaks, carbon dioxide poisoning, complication of respiratory diseases, insomnia, food poisoning from eating spoilt food, diseases caused by the administration of denatured vaccines stored at wrong temperatures amongst others.

Light was created to by God to be free and attainable by all and sundry, therefore every citizen of this nation is entitled to uninterrupted power supply especially in a nation blessed with so many rivers and  lots of sunshine.  A land where a speaker and his cronies can make away with N10b in two shakes of a lamb tail is a place where there is a surfeit of wealth and resources. There is therefore no excuse for us to remain in this abject state of economic and social paralysis.

A lot of countries that do not have the wealth of natural reserves we have enjoy uninterrupted power on a constant basis. This shows that generating continuous energy is neither an impossibility nor rocket science.

But the truth is the government seems not to want to make this dream a reality and like its happening in many parts of the world, we might have to peacefully but firmly ask for it. IT IS ABOUT TIME!

Patrick Henry said give me liberty or give me death and changed history by being in the vanguard of the move for American independence. We must ask for what rightly belongs to us. Any government that is not ready to assist us in making this country better should go. Democracy is about us the people anyway, not about leaders who don’t give a hoot about us and stuff their pockets to the detriment of millions of people.

This is a season for change, a season of possibilities for us and our children. We cannot continue living under the inimical shadows of callous leaders. We want light and we want it real fast! No one can afford to sit on the fence on this one. Darkness is a curse, a plague that inflicts to stagnate and destroy. When God inflicted Egypt with it, everyone was affected both the ruler and the ruled. It destroys creativity, kills vision and extirpates progress. This is a clarion call to all! A bugle that should awaken us from the slumber of complacency!

His Excellency, GEJ, has made a lot of promises but I believe he should start with the power sector; a country in darkness cannot become first rate and at best would follow the weak beams from the flash light of developed nations.

Harry Truman said the buck stops at his table. GEJ, concerning this odorous issue emanating from the bowels of Hades, no excuses will suffice. Make the buck stop at your table! PLEASE LET THEIR BE LIGHT!!!

LET THERE BE LIGHT

At the inception of everything, before production and productivity, Earth was a soup of nothingness, a bottomless emptiness, an inky blackness, a watery abyss, then God said “let there be light”. I personally believe that the light that came forth connotes ENERGY or POWER. My reason being that power is the ability to do work and the work of creation could not commence until light was generated from God.

God separated the light from the darkness and called the light day while the darkness was called night. God’s son, thousands of years later said that one can only work in the day, no man works at night. This means that it is people, countries who have light that can fulfill the potential and capacity for work and productivity, while countries or people that live in darkness have stunted ability for fruitful production. This is why high fructification outfits like Michellin move out of the dark energy zone of Nigeria to places where power is constant to ensure ceaseless work and feracity.

God intended Energy to be self-perpetuating, self sufficient and continuous, so he created the sun, moon and stars on the fourth day. The sun and stars are basically made of hydrogen and helium through thermonuclear fusion while the moon is essentially rock with a reflective surface. This shows that God made these light giving heavenly bodies with substances that are abundant and easy to get. These bodies also give clean energy without the emission of noxious substances unlike most of the generators we have in Nigeria. They don’t pollute the environment with noise and require no maintenance.

Lots of first world countries have tapped into this divine method of procreation by producing power that is cheap, noiseless and pollution free. For example wind energy, is plentiful, renewable, widely distributed, clean, and produces no greenhouse gas emissions during operation. Denmark uses a lot of wind energy. Windmills are popular in the Netherlands. Germany makes use of a lot of solar energy. The USA and China utilize hydroelectric power to a great extent. I have seen an advertisement that says that cars will run on water someday and I would not be surprised to see this reality because it will be in line with the God template for energy production using plenteous, clean materials.

Following the creation of the energy bodies, earth was transformed from being formless and void into a beautiful world and man was put in charge to be fruitful, multiply, and replenish. He could now subdue and dominate. But before all this could be, there was light. This explains why power played a huge part in the in the story of the industrial revolution.

On the wings of this revolution also came colonization. Like Adam in Eden, the western world could dominate the world because they had energy. They could fuel transportation of goods and men to different parts of the world. They could free their people from menial and manual jobs which could be delegated to machines whereby allowing time for fresh thought and inventions. They became more fruitful, their goods multiplied and they filled the earth with their presence (both human and material).

The story of Genesis sheds a lot of light on why Nigeria is still trying to don its racing shoes while other nations have sprung off the starting blocks. For any progress to be made, power has to be constant and light has to stop being scarce. Darkness is oppressive, it hamstrings creativity and potential. The wealth of a nation is in the creation of small businesses which grow to meet the needs of its people and then spread to other parts of the globe (U.S.A and Japan give credence to this fact). But most fledgling outfits in this country expire like premature deliveries before they can see the light of day because of the high cost of diesel and gas needed to power activities. Consequently the spirit of entrepreneurship is deprived of motivation and is exorcised out of our economy like a frail ghost.

When God created light, he did not put it in the hands of any one man, it was a universal benefit that should be enjoyed by all. The sun, moon and stars are no one’s property. So it is extremely repulsive that the energy generation efforts in this country is scuttled by some folks who believe they have the monopoly on power because they own fuel stations, oil companies, generator sales shops, candle manufacturing companies and so on. Furthermore the oligopoly of PHCN should be scrapped and the company should be sent back to the Jurassic period through a time warp. Newer methods should be explored.

There is a new regime in this country and I use this as an opportunity to tell Mr. President that we are tired of inhaling smoke belched from second rate generators, we have had it with Vulcan’s pyrotechnics of destruction caused by stored gasoline, we can’t take one more day of insomnia originating from personal generating sets and we are sick of the deadly gases emanating from these machines. It now seems that these engines of doom have taken over Nigeria like a scene from the movie “Transformers”. Now we have had enough!!! So like an ancient Greek wife begs Poseidon for her seafaring husband and his cronies whose lives have been caught in the maniacal pranks of choppy seas, we plead with you, President Goodluck, Ebele, Jonathan, in your tenure and beyond, please LET THERE BE LIGHT.

VALENTINE BLUES

                                             

We live in a Planet filled with so much hate and strife. There is history of genocide caused by people as mad as hatters like Hitler and Pol Pot, bitterness flying like arrows during the hundred years war. Stories of bloodletting during maniacal events like the Spanish inquisition and the witch-hunt practise of the Zulus. Endless wars in Sudan and Angola. Terrorist acts in Pakistan. Tribal conflicts in Rwanda, Jos and other areas of the world are a daily staple. Marital altercations that make a WWE ring seem like Eros’ haven. Amongst all this, February the 14^th pops up like a jack in the box and we all supposedly go love mad. I think its all pure baloney.

Suffice it to say that irrespective of my being an incurable romantic, I am not a Valentine day’s freak (sorry St Val). I think it is pretty comical that a world like ours suddenly goes nuts like starving squirrels released into a field of acorns over a particular day dedicated to the whimsical antics of Cupid. It is like watching the feeding frenzy of voracious sharks fighting for scraps of bloody flesh.

Beyond the nobility of the Valentine idea, this day is generally subjected to a lot of misuse and abuse. It is a day that a lot of guys put in the sickle to the blood red flowering blooms of hapless damsels that are not meant for them. A day that generates tension for those who don’t have enough to cause a splash and leaves the poison of envy within those who are like rejected islands, surrounded by the plenteous water of those who have too many gifts. This green eyed monster sometimes infects homes where a spouse feels her mate didn’t go beyond the whole nine yards. Ultimately the explosives of bickering and squabbles are set off and the fall out from these are felt for many days thereafter. Everything becomes covered in soot and smoke. Hearts are shattered, limbs are sometimes fractured and some relationships might be nursed in the intensive care before they are restored, while others pass on from there. This demise usually leads to hell.

Would you call this love? What will we say about a politician who spoils his mistress rotten with all manner of valentine treasures but in his constituency are hundreds of kids dying of malnutrition. His beau would most likely feel that he is Cupid’s twin but the truth is there is as much love in that relationship as water in the heart of a flaming effigy of Guy Fawkes. I would tell that lady to run. Such a man can’t love. He is the most selfish being alive.

It is flabbergasting how we work ourselves up into frothy seizures for one day of the year and the next day we are back to square one. In this environment, you see people lunging at each others throat like wired jungle cats. What’s the point of flying your partner to the Caribbean’s on a private jet, give her enough flowers to cause a world wide-plant-a flower-today panic, buy her enough chocolate to cause a one week shut down of Swiss factories, get enough wine to make grapes scarce in Bacchus’ garden and the next day you are back to your old ways. Fighting and brawling in a way that would make a gladiator seem like a pacifist.

The whole event is a repulsive parody which I believe even leaves a sour taste on the Saint’s mouth. I am sure the whole pantomime leaves the good man bedridden on his day after so much puking because if we are as loving as we claim to be on Val’s day, most of the wickedness associated with our world would have by now gone the way of the dodo.

I think the problem is, we have a lot of misconceptions about what love really is. Love is certainly not sex, saying it is would be like saying that the leave is the tree. The leave is an essential part but an off shoot of the tree. Romantic love is an off shoot of love. In the Greek, it is known as Eros and certainly leads to errors in our perception of love. If romantic love were real love, then a lot of the most romantic unions we know would not crash into the flames of hate and conflict which actually makes one think that love is war.

Real love is agape. It is sacrificial, not selfish and pure like water from an artesian spring. Love is not a perfunctory function, it is real. It originates from God. God is love!

Remember the Good Samaritan? He did not make the pages of the greatest book on earth because he gave away chocs and flowers (these things are great and there is nothing wrong with them) but by caring, by showing kindness, demonstrating affection and paying someone’s hospital bills while the thieves who waylaid the man would have gone to buy all manner of goodies for their paramour if it were the 14^th of February. For the Samaritan, love wasn’t a one off thing or something reserved for special days but a way of life. He loved his neighbour as himself. He gave all to a stranger in dire need. He made someone he did not know his neighbour. Love was coming out of Mr. Samaritans pores for a dude he did not know from Adam. If we could all love like this man our Earth will be a better place for it.

Okay, St Valentine fans, kindly remove your boxing gloves and let me shoot straight with you. I am not trying to rain on the Saints parade or spoil your fun instead I want to make him more famous. A day’s celebration is not enough for him and the essence of his being. His way should become our culture. LOVE SHOULD BE CELEBRATED EVERY DAY WITH GENUINE KINDNESS AND CARE FOR EVERYONE!!! SELAH!!!

 

THE AFRICAN MIND

                                              

There was an inscription emblazoned on a T-shirt that stuck to my mind like a barnacle to the hull of a ship years ago. It read “IT’S A BLACK THING, YOU WONT UNDERSTAND”.

The African mind is one of the richest on this planet. It is so rich that bulrushes could grow on it like they were on the Nile bank. It is one of the brightest lights of our solar system but paradoxically it is covered by a cloak of stygian darkness (both mental and in the case of Nigeria, physical).

What is it about the average African mind that makes it as impenetrable to erudition as a diamond to the digging efforts of a toothpick? Why is it that we receive tons of certificates, enough degrees to make a thermometer self conscious, yet all the education doesn’t translate into literacy? What is it that makes the exposure of most of our leaders to the western world’s progressive way of doing things seem like pouring water on the backs of ducks?

Sometime in the past, I heard of a professor of obstetrics and gynecology who married a second wife because his first didn’t provide him with a male heir (amazing, considering the fact that he is an authority on the fact that man determines the sex of a baby by his donation of an X or Y chromosome). What about the PHD holder who throws away his learning to become a juju priest. Mindboggling examples but they are just a tip of the iceberg.

I graduated from a medical school where lecturers act like gods strutting around Olympus. They look down on you, insult you and even send their registrars on errands that a dignified house boy might not do. God help you if you don’t kow-tow to them because that might mean the end of your training or repeating a class. But the surprising thing is that most of these people graduated from schools abroad where things are done differently. Places where mutual respect and preservation of dignity are a culture.

This trait is not limited to the medical circle alone. It permeates every area of our lives. People who are privileged to be in lofty positions look down on others like they were scrapped faecal matter from the heels of a hobo. People treat their helps like a southern farm owner treated his slaves before the American civil war. When they go on their shopping trips abroad, they see doormen, bell hops all treated with respect but it does not positively affect their thinking patterns when they get back home. Subjugation, tyranny and domination remain the way of life. The victims on the other hand, swallow it as destiny while going about arse kissing and bootlicking to be in the good books of the oppressor while wishing for their own turn (thereby ensuring the continuous spinning of the vicious circle).  This is the reason life term presidents are a norm in Africa even when they have made a hash of things and the people under them are going through great affliction. Unlike their European counterparts, power is seen as a birthright. They steal, kill, destroy (like the devil) in the bid to acquire leadership powers and never realize that leadership is about service even when they have gone through a Cambridge/Oxford/Harvard leadership course.

We all want to work for multinationals and NGO’S mainly because of the benefits attached to them but in our own businesses, we pay our workers peanuts that a self respecting monkey will snort at. The crazy thing is that the paltry sum comes with the kind of burden that Pharaoh laid on the Hebrew slaves. Work load that will make Atlas feel like he is having an ice cream party in a park. Absolutely amazing!

In his book, “From third world to first world”, Lee Kuan Yew said he couldn’t understand Africans because during a meeting of the worlds leaders, their lifestyle was the most profligate yet they were the ones asking for world aid. That is a paradox that can cripple a normal mind.

What makes Nigerians commit ritualistic killings for money? Why do we languish in poverty when we have been blessed with so much resource? Why are rich people sacred cows that are above the law because they have money?

Amongst black Americans, the incidence of drive by shootings, single parenthood, usage of hard drugs, unemployment is more than among whites.

On the Nigerian road you will find well dressed graduates reduced to fists and cuffs because of minor altercations.

We believe so much in witchcraft and demonic forces causing every kind of ill when we are the culprits. Like the Yoruba adage that says the insect eating the spinach leaves is on the spinach. The church which is supposed to be our last bastion of hope does not even help issues on this front.

It is a huge conundrum that makes me wonder whether the cause stems from Noah’s curse on his son Ham (who is said to be the originator of Africans). I think one of the main reasons is that the deprivation and lack that is so rampant in this country has scarred the landscape of ours minds so much, spawning greed and rapacity in the process.

To me, the hue and cry that all our problems were caused by the white man is all poppy cock and persecutory delusion. We traded human lives for trinkets and stuff. The surprising thing is that we are still doing that today. The reparation theme is all hogwash.

We trade the future of our children for accounts in Switzerland; we sell tomorrow for foreign currencies and drug money.

It is all so mystifying and for me like a puzzle presented by the Riddler to the Batman on which rides the survival of a whole race.

I am desperately looking for answers like a lost desert traveler looking for an oasis but I believe a major panacea to the diseased African mind is love.

That will be the story of another day but in the interim let’s ruminate on this and send in answers on how you think we can heal the African mind because it is truly a black thing and isn’t easily understood.

.

THE UNIT

Coca cola in one of its timeless commercials in the 80s showed a group of children spreading this message across our hearts like butter being spread on bread….

I am the future of the world,

I am the hope of my nation,

I am tomorrow’s people,

I am the new inspiration……….

If we all could agree there will be sweet harmony………

Tomorrow, we will build another world for you.

The age old saying that charity begins at home as common as it is, is quite profound. Just like the human body is  made up of cells, so is  the society  made up of family units. Like the cells work together in harmonious co-ordination to make the workings of the body as smooth as cream so does a healthy family contribute to the well being of a society. On the flip side, as some cells go whacky, berserk and become cancerous so does a dysfunctional home contribute to the ills of any society.

In a country like ours where no value is placed on love, courtesy and human lives, an incisive look into the family structure becomes very imperative. Children are the building blocks of the family hence of the nation. This means that the foundation of a nation lies on her having good children, who will grow into responsible adults.

Alas, caught in the pell-mell, rat race, hustle and bustle of  modern civilization, most parents don’t have the time to train their children right anymore. Simple traditions like greeting of elders, saying sorry and thank you are all becoming relics from the dinosaur age. These days children look right through their elders like they are an invisible breed without acknowledging them or even uttering any kind of greeting. Courtesy, curtsy and respect have almost gone the way of the dodo. The pathetic side to all these is that you actually hear their parents say they are too young and should be absolved from paying any penance for their wrong acts.

 In this society, so called parents think having kids is like adding another scalp to your belt of achievements like a Red Indian brave. Small wonder that they usually don’t have any vision for their offsprings, hence we have kids growing into spoilt adults who don’t know their left from their right. They become like city slickers thrown into the heart of the Amazon jungle at night without supplies and a compass. There’s actually no hope for survival because no substance has been instilled into them. In the seas of value and character they drown and hit rock bottom. They morph into heartless Frankensteins, bipedal animals without souls, loveless monsters filled up with hate and blood lust like our politicians. It doesn’t matter whether they are in suits or rags, area boys or CEO’s, beauty or beasts, erudite or ignorant (the results of bad parenting is the same). These ones go ahead to spawn their own progenies and the circle of devastation continues.

There is something that goes intrinsically wrong with anybody who doesn’t receive or imbibe good home training. This goes a long way in explaining why the world is full of rapists, serial killers, ritualists and leaders in Africa who embezzle billions of dollars while the majority of the populace die in poverty and squalor without any hope.

Children are impressionable. They are like an empty canvass on which parents can create masterpieces. The fact that most people around us have an intrinsic twist in the way they talk, act, think, behave, with codes of conduct that leave a bad taste in the mouth like putrid meat, shows that a lot of parents botch this job.

Can you imagine a world like the Louvre with masterpieces all around, the effect will be breathtaking. This is exactly what the world will be like if our progenies turn out right. We would have a beautiful world. The other day I walked in to an eatery and saw small boys with their jeans sagged, limping in the name of bouncing and drinking beer like dehydrated fish. They painted a grim picture of tomorrow.

There’s always been this all pervading fear about apocalypse, Armageddon resulting from nuclear warfare but more is the pity that the world has not realized from the coke song that children are the hope and future of the world. If they are not shown the right paths to follow, then we are running inexorably to the finish line of the end faster than Usain Bolt.

With this knowledge in sight all parents should rise to this challenge to make our children turn out right and to form good family units that will battle and reduce the evil in the world. With the right amount and mixture of love, positive self esteem and discipline this can be achieved.

Our generation is so incensed with the preservation of wildlife and would go to any length for this cause but human life is more precious. Let’s save our children! It is by so doing that tomorrow will be preserved.

     

THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING (PART 1)

                                                                       

       The ring is a symbol of continuity and everlasting union. A union instituted by God for the good of mankind. It is a token of an arrangement which began in Eden, an extension of paradise on earth. This unification is a product of Gods genius. 
   Woman was created out of man and wowed his socks off. Man looked at woman and gave her a good name, a moniker which was a derivative of his own name. I believe if we had been at genesis we would have seen fireworks exploding against a background of verdant flora, avian orchestra, chirping crickets, glowing firefies, musical rivers, angelic euphony and all romantic whatnot.

  But like it was sung in lion king, it seems when romance is in the atmosphere disaster is in the air. Before one barely finishes saying I do, things have already gone awry. Like a chain reaction from the fall of man till this present day, despite all the fanfare, pomp and pageantry of weddings, the marriage expedition seem to be fraught with more dangers than Ulysses faced in his odyssey.

   This derailed train of events has set off more questions in my head than cannon shots from battleships in a seventeenth century galleon war.

1.       Why is something initiated by God surrounded by so much controversy and pain?

2.       Why is it that love seems to turn to hate faster than the time it takes to say I love you?

3.       Why is it that the more of a fairy tale, the wedding, the more of a horror the marriage appears to be?

  My deliberation on this has led to a few observations which I believe cause more marital conflicts than fighting scenes in the lords of the ring.

Firstly, Shakespeare said in one of his classics that to your own self be true but when it comes to the nuptial flight this is often not the case because people live in a rose coloured world of self deceit. Various reasons make people take this leap without looking or telling themselves the absolute truth. I believe this is worse with the female sex because of their labile emotions.

   There’s something about the confetti and the angelic brilliant white gown that make many throw all caution to the wind without a moment’s thought. They go in with their hearts alone instead of their heads and hearts. If you are thinking of getting and staying married to someone happily ever after, I think it’s a given that you should engage the kind of “Einsteinic” deliberation that cracked the riddle of the relativity theory about your intended soul mate. Timeless attention should be paid to the plan of your nuptial flight like a transatlantic pilot before take off. The tragedy of this is that most people (especially ladies) spend all the time preparing for a wedding that is as ephemeral as a snow flake in the caress of the summer sun than in the permanence of the marriage. This permanence ought to have the consistency of the Himalayan mountain range.

      The unfathomable thing, is why we lie to ourselves even when our intuition gives us signals that are like red flags to an enraged bull. You get bad vibes about your intended mate but you enjoy the attention and other things that go with it, so you take the plunge which is like diving headlong into a shallow rocky pool because its sapphire blue colour is so beautiful.

       As a romantic at heart, I know that we imbibe a lot of things while growing up, mills and boons, cartoons, soap operas, etc that make us all mushy and schmaltzy but truth is, marriage is not a fairy tale. It’s serious business that is intricately connected with our destinies and the quality of life we live on earth.

       As hard as it might sound it’s foolish and extremely ignorant to rush into this union like lemmings.  One could end up with nothing to show for it like a heart broken, foolhardy, gold prospector who lost everything in the Californian gold rush. Just like a world class automobile mechanical engineer goes to school to learn skills for his profession, marriage also needs skills from a college we never graduate from. What is more amazing than Spiderman is that people would go out of their way to spend millions on a world class wedding (there is absolutely nothing wrong with this if you can afford it) but have never read a N500 marriage book all their lives. A wedding is for a few exhaustive hours (especially around here) except it’s a very low key one for example in Vegas or the pacific islands with very few well wishers.  A marriage is for life. We invest into our future when we pay more attention to it.

      In the Nigerian cultural setting, singles especially ladies are usually subjected to a lot of pressure to get married and have children. This is worse with advancement of their age, to the extent that older singles see each new year like the final seconds to the detonation of a time bomb. This could make a lady desperate enough to think that with a smackeroo she can turn any beast that approaches her into a charming prince. As harrowing as loneliness and emotional trauma may be its still not enough to mortgage ones future for or enter a torture chamber in the name of keeping up the appearance of a married life.

      Though the veracity of God’s timeless wisdom that it is bad for man to remain alone cannot be contested, I believe that it's better to stay alone than to tie the knot of the marriage covenant with a wrong person.
      What has thrown the spanner into the wheels of God’s perfect plan?

      Our thought processes, decisions, preconceived ideas and choices. People have wrong notions about how some things should be because of the environment they grow up in. Some people’s perception about marriage is like someone still holding on to the thoughts that the earth is flat.

For example, some people get married just because of sex which is akin to putting the roof before the foundation in the construction of an edifice. Utterly flabbergasting!

      What about instances where ladies are asked to get pregnant to prove their fertility/fecundity like guinea pigs before they are walked down the aisle. I met a gorgeous educated lady like that once and you could have knocked me down with a feather because she willingly followed the guy like a lamb to the slaughter. I kept wondering how things could have degenerated to an extent where a woman would throw away her dignity like used up tampon. One does not have to be a Socrates to know that love at its best is unconditional and when someone puts down conditions before getting married to you, a waterloo worse than Napoleon’s is waiting in the wings. What turns people into bats in the full glare of the sunlight of truth when it comes to taking the aisle launch? Why would any sane person take a leap into an uncertain life time commitment without looking? Why would anyone go into a never ending union that is only bound together by banal things like sex, looks and money? They are great but have the tensile strength of a spider’s web when push comes to shove?

      Sauron and his orcs are out to destroy the world and the essence of the ring but with more thought, better wisdom, deeper insight, sharper judgment, we all like Frodo and his unique friends will be able to preserve and make stronger the fellowship of the ring.